(disclaimer… I know I disappeared for a few months. My bad?)
So let’s talk about sex, because it seems like nobody really wants to talk about the down and dirty of having sex after having kids. It’s hard, because at the end of the day you’re tired. Children can actually be incredibly good birth control in a way that you can seem to lose interest in the act that might impregnate you again.
I always read blogs saying how important it is but never talk about the gross reality that can some days be motherhood. It can be “oh my god don’t touch me, I haven’t wash my hair in days” or “it’s been a week since I’ve shaved and I’m like a mammoth.” It can also easily be “are you kidding me? I’m exhausted because I have kept a small human alive today.”
It’s also hard because we can fall into “comfortable slumps” where you simply tell yourself that you really don’t care if you have sex for various amounts of reasons. Sex or going to bed earlier… well sleep usually wins out.
Of course there’s always the joys of the unknown, wondering if your child is going to burst through the door while your ankles are around your head or if you’ll hear that cry on the baby monitor that demands you to attend.
It’s also very possible that you simple don’t “feel it” anymore, that your hormones have hit a neutral sexual drive that equals to have absolutely no desire to “take on the task at hand” or where sex simply feels like it’s “work.”
It seems there’s so much pressure to have this amazing sex life after children and for it to still be passionate, spontaneous and exciting. One thing that I will say though is that it is important, to yourself and your significant other.
Couples with children whom have to continue on with daily life do tire, they’re suddenly raising another life which can be unpredictable and draining on the best of days. All while trying to balance finances, groceries, work and every day life who on earth has time for sex? I on one blog to schedule time, to plan it, to pretty much mark it on the calendar, date and time and do it no matter how tired we were.
This might work for some couples but it became a chore that I started dreading because I didn’t feel like I was living up to the hype. In fact the hours counting down of “prepping” were almost agonizing and when the moment arrive I felt annoyed because it was suddenly expected to happen because it was on the calendar.
We looked at what worked for us before we had gone down the path of parenthood and started incorporating what we knew already worked and simply worked it into convenient time slots. Of course it always depends on your child’s age, ours being 7 has allowed some definite us time where we don’t have to worry.
Having a lock on the bedroom door is something that I fully recommend and swear by it. If you don’t have one then I suggest you get one, change it with a different door but it takes away that anxiety of wondering if you’re going to be interrupted. I know that if I give my son his tablet or let him play MMinecraft that we have an hour. Mom and Dad can quietly slip away into their bedroom without any issues. We’re lucky that he’s also at a point where we can say “mom and dad are tired and going for nap, if you don’t want one we’ll get you set up with a movie and snacks but we want to sleep.” Not much sleep happens during this time, or there’s a power nap but it allows us some time.
I find being creative can sometimes get you what you need, there’s always times for quickies when kiddo is in the bath or when he goes to bed. Sex doesn’t have to be this amazing story that needs to be submitted to Playmate, it can be a quick quiet romp on the couch.
There doesn’t need to be pressure but you owe it to yourself and your partner to try and make it work and keep the intimacy between you alive.