VanityMom Presents: A Poop Story (because all mom’s have one)

We’ve been going through one heck of a heat wave here lately, for the past week we’ve been sitting around the mid thirties (Celsius) it’s that dry annoying desert heat which is great if you want to lay at the beach for hours but when you’re prone to heat/sunstroke you want to avoid it. So the child and I have more or less bunkered in for the hot hours of the day, we play on the decks in the pool or sand and water box. I’ve been letting him run around in his diaper since the idea of clothes makes me want to sigh in misery, even with the AC running constantly I’ve been sporting a bikini or light sundress.

 

Today I was sitting on the computer talking to my husband online (he was at work taking his lunch break) my son was playing with his Chuck Truck and Garbage Truck, racing them and scooting them across the floor, he was entertained after an hour playing in the pool and in the sand. As I was typing something heavy and warm hit my lap… I looked down to see it was a diaper full of very dark blue purplish shit. Our child has a thing for blueberries lately and has been raiding the fridge and our plates to the point that his face and crap have been dyed purplish blue. Apparently he had just filled his diaper (since it was all of 15 minutes old) and decided that he would take it off and deposit it in my lap. I’ve come to find that blueberry shit doesn’t hold ANY odour what so ever.

 

I looked down in disgust and then to my child who is standing beside me looking up as if to say “what are you going to do about it mom?” I pursed my lips and was about to wrap the diaper into itself to dispose of it when he does his little trick and asks the question that I hear a million times a day. His hand comes down into his pile of steaming poop and he asks “what’s that?” I breathe in very calmly as my eye starts with the twitch of what he had just done. “That is poop” I say grabbing the diaper and his wrist at the same time marching to the garbage, he let’s go and slaps his forehead so now there is not only shit on his hand but now on his face, I try to grab his hand again and he grabs hold of my leg. So now we both have blueberry poop all over ourselves. I inhale and count to ten and think to myself that I will be applauded in mommy heaven that I didn’t lose it right there, in fact I let him follow me and repeatedly hit the back of my leg as I walk to the stairs, pick him up and bring him to the bathtub where we both get to bathe and I get to wash crap not only off his face, off his hand, off my legs but magically also in his ear… and as I think about this I smile because there was a point in my life where I swore up and down that I would never EVER change a diaper and now I get to deal with lots of poop and on some days even encourage it when he’s bunged up.

 

I think its time to start potty training.

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About vanitymom

I'm here to talk about not only the joys of motherhood but also the (not so much joys) of living in a high society world that you're judged upon your looks... where I live you need to be a 7 to gain beach access, an 8 to walk around half naked in the summertime and atleast a 9 to hold your head up high. I'm Vanity Mom. I will be talking about things such as parenting (of course) beauty tips for moms, exercise, and eating healthy... all while doing this with a kid biting the hell out of your leg because he's teething.
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2 Responses to VanityMom Presents: A Poop Story (because all mom’s have one)

  1. Okay so how did you get it all off? I have 8 children and have yet to experience it all over me that much – however my 6 month old twins may just do it soon enough. And yes – I would definately start the potty training lol.

    • vanitymom says:

      I let him soak for a bit and then took some goats milk soap and it came off like crayon on a wall with a magic eraser, I find sometimes wipes just don’t it but some good ol’ goats milk soap does the charm without the harsh chemicals.

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