I have been away for a while, my family was hit with some very hard news and it seems that big decisions and choices had to be made all around… this came of course right as I took on a second job from home doing online programming.
It was kiddo’s first official week of daycare, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are his days, daddy will be picking him up early on the days that he has early shift. I had felt wracked with guilt, suddenly I have time to myself to work in peace, which makes me feel horrible to think about “working in peace” without my child but it’s something I need to do in order to get work done. There are all of these stay at home mothers whom dote on their children, they nurture them with every bit of their very being and I was simply not able to do that because we can’t financially afford it. The first day I dropped him off I felt horrible, I busied myself with cleaning the house in an insane amount of time and then set to work. The guilt changed when I picked him up and he didn’t want to leave, it lessened when during our snuggle time before bed he told me in such an excited tone everything he had done at daycare that day, it was even better the next morning when he bounded into my room saying “mommy I get to go to daycare today!”
The way I look at it is this will do him good, I do not have the means to be able to socialize him with other children, to teach him the way he’s being taught there, to have him out and about and doing other activities, crafts, painting, story time, parks, playgrounds and still be able to work. I’m now okay with this because even in this week alone I have noticed such an improvement in his listening, that there’s a schedule to things now, a process and routine of how things are done and it’s wonderful.
So all in all, this is good. I can’t look at it that I am failing my son because I can’t be at home. He now has a safe place to go where he can interact with other children his age, where he can play and learn, where he can be challenged and still have fun, and I am now making more money to be able to secure a better future for this family.