I have a shape therefore I am in shape?

girl smiling exercising with dumbbell clipart

There’s nothing more precious than having a long day and snuggling up to your child right before bed to read them a story. You’ve had an incredibly hard day and just need a moment of love from your darling child of whom you would give your life for. As you gently put your arm around them and they snuggle into you they proclaim “mommy you have squishy arms!” At that moment you want to throw the book across the room, get up and scream “f*** you! How is that even possible considering all I ever do is carry your sh*t around all day!?” Instead you take this “fat shaming” to heart and start working out. Or at least that was my case. There’s nothing like having a scrawny child call you out on some extra squish… especially when you take it to heart which I did.

I was feeling rather defeated about a month ago, my husband would work out next to me rolling 80+ dumbbell curls while I was barely doing 5lbs. My upper body strength doesn’t exist. What needs to be remembered and drilled into every single person out there when it comes to fitness is that EVERYONE starts somewhere and that somewhere is usually damn near the bottom. Don’t get discouraged. You’re going to pick those weights up and hate it, but if you continue picking them up and putting them down you’re going to get better, you’re going to get stronger. I started with barely being able to pick up 5lbs in each hand to curl, my squats were pretty horrible as well (because who in the heck actually likes doing squats?) After giving myself some pep talk and motivation I kept with it. Now I’m doing 150 squats with 20lbs in each hand. I’m able to do 15-20lb curls. My arms are less flabby and are slowly getting there and I’m finding myself a little happier with the reflection in the mirror.

Added bonus of trying to motivate yourself up for working out… go get a cute workout outfit, it actually helps quite a bit 😉 just make sure if you’re doing cardio that you don’t opt for a yoga bra which has 0 support or you’ll find yourself holding onto your girls as you run.

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Easter 2017

happyeasterHappy Easter everyone! Even happier extra long weekend!

So I’ve dyed the hard boiled eggs that only I’m going to eat and I’m sure half of them are going to end up in the garbage (I actually did them at work, of course it’s a tradition to get school kids to dye eggs. The real task is trying to avoid a huge mess where your hands are covered in food coloring.) This year I managed such a feat by doing tie dye coloring by wrapping the egg in a piece of paper towel, allowing the kids to take q-tips and dip the colored ends of them into the food coloring and then color the paper towel with the egg in it. After it was colored I sprayed the paper towel with water and let the color set over night in the fridge. I was quite happy with the result.

Unfortunately I have a sick child which means we’ll be skipping the local Easter egg hunts. It seems that Easter has spread out from a 2 day event to 2 weeks. There were activities last weekend along with all this weekend. Sorry bud, you’re sick and honestly I’d rather hide a few extra chocolate eggs than be around a gathering of 500,000 kids running around looking for them as other parents casually watch the slaughter.

Saturday we’re doing one Easter dinner with cousins and uncles and aunts… then Sunday is the dinner with grandparents and great grandparents. This means copious amounts of chocolate, it’s like spring Halloween where you just have to dress nice instead of being in a costume and instead of going to stranger’s house it’s merely two stops to visit family.

Sunday morning of course will be the anticipated morning of running around the house looking for all the eggs that the bunny left which will be put out the night before. Of course there’s always trying to remember how many eggs you put you as you struggle to drink your morning coffee as said child bounces off the wall finding said chocolate.

In the end every holiday has a million and one steps to getting to that magical moment but it’s always worth it. Just another year to try and keep the magic alive in a child’s eyes… to let them believe some large rabbit broke into our house to leave sugary treats that will rot your teeth for no further reason other than “it’s Easter.”

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7th year of Birthday parties.

bdayWe all want to make our kids feel special for their birthday but I’m to point where I want special with minimal effort. Of course it seems that Pokemon has made it’s way back into the scene of popularity so that simply had to be theme. At least it’s fairly easy to do… the venue will not be at my house. I’m fine with dishing out $100 for my child and 5-6 of his friends to run around a play center for two hours screaming their heads off while I sit in the “birthday room” watching the clock for when I have to wrangle them up for cake and presents. It’s money well spent for not having to clean up a disaster zone after 7 boys run amok.

Invitations were easy handmade poke’ balls with “I choose you _________ ” as the tag line inside with the date and time of the party. Party hats which I’m sure will be forgotten are easy to do pikachu ears on a yellow band of construction paper.

Goodie bags… how I hate these things because they usually consist of crap that gets left in the car between seats, on the floor, or is randomly scattered through the house. I opted to hit up wish.com and buy some cheap pokemon cards along with some mini figures. If I can find a cheap pokemon cup at the dollarstore that’ll be the “bag.”

Of course my child being the weirdo that he is doesn’t overly like cake or cupcakes or anything with frosting. I’m tempted to send him to school with muffins for his birthday. This is another thing… 3 damn cakes. Cupcakes for 24 children at school, some sort of birthday cake for the party itself and then a third for the whole family event (because do grandparents and everyone else really want to try to come to a kids play center and track down the birthday boy for a minute of his time?) Good luck.

I find the month of April to be exhausting, not only mentally but physically as well. Between birthdays, anniversaries, and Easter this month wreaks havoc on the “check book” (or rather bank account because who even uses checks?) I’m sure I’ll get started on Easter havoc in another post.

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Being Active And Being Fit

girl smiling exercising with dumbbell clipartIt seems to be an ongoing struggle to stay fit… I won’t say active because I count being active as going up and down the stairs 20 million times a day between laundry, cleaning, making sure my child is brushing his teeth, grabbing stuffed animals for bedtime and 12,000 goodnight kisses because the first 11,999 didn’t take. Being active is running around the house looking for socks, Pokemon cards, or gloves at the very last minute before you walk out the door (when you should already be in the car.) It’s running after your child as they’re running towards the playground at school as you’re lugging not only their backpack but their library books which weigh 20lbs on top of the 30lb backpack (pretty sure there’s invisible boulders in that thing.) So I’m plenty active.

Fit… well… at the moment I fit into my jeans which are a size up from my regular size. I try to be “fit.” I’m pretty sure that “fit” means “getting thinner, healthier, being able to run more at a faster pace, and lifting heavier things and putting them down.” So why does lifting 30lb weights seem so much harder than carrying around a 45lb kid for 20 minutes in a grocery store because he suddenly decided his legs no longer work?

I considering myself a lucky mom because I have some “me” time between dropping my child off at school and going to work. “Me” time usually turns into “workout” time and a mad dash to shower, tidy the house, and make myself look presentable. Unfortunately my go to workout machine Mr. Treadmill is in my child’s playroom since it doesn’t fit into the home gym. Running some days in a messy room gives my brain more of a workout than the body as I scan the room for dust, crumbs, and a catastrophe of toys littering the floor (I swear it’s clean when my child leaves for school…or so I think…)

Working out on the weekend or when my child is home it just time consuming madness in where a very half assed workout happens. I’ll stand in front of him with full workout attire on and ask “if there anything you need, I’m going to workout for the next 40 minutes and mommy doesn’t want to stop part way through.” I’ll load him up with chocolate milk, snacks, and extra reassurance that he can survive the next 40 minutes without my assistance. Of course two minutes into my warm up on the treadmill he realizes that I have my headphones on and decides that’s the most opportune time to tell me about his favorite Pokemon or what he’s building in Minecraft. 15 minute in there’s something wrong with the tv, 10 minutes after that I’m being asked to take Lego pieces apart, 5 minutes after that he’s in tears because he dumped his Lego all over and stepped on it. At this point I’m sweating and off the treadmill giving kisses and putting a bandaid on an imaginary cut.

So mom’s out there who can do the mommy and me yoga, mom’s who run with their jogging strollers, mom’s who make time to go to the gym. I raise my glass. Mom’s who  want to get there but sometimes have a damn hard time doing it, I’m with ya! And mom’s who’ve decided to say “screw it” I totally understand, you’re active anyways.

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That Kid…

PVZ_Zombie_Suit.pngSo I got a lovely email sent to me by my child’s teacher. She informed me that a mother came forward whom was concerned because my child was talking about zombies and scary clowns and had scared her child and that her child was now having nightmares. I kind of rolled my eyes and wanted to say “well so and so’s kid better toughen up because the world is full of monsters” or even more blatantly “tell your kid not to be a pu$$y.” Oi.

Of course I gave the appropriate response that I would talk to my son about this. I’m not some ignorant parent who’s like “omg where does he get this from” because the arrow is pointing right back at ME! My husband and I are horror fanatics, zombies, ghouls, my house is decorated with friggan skull decor. There’s no doubt. My son is a lover of Halloween and all things scary, this doesn’t mean that he’s sitting down with us and watching The Walking Dead by any means but yes I am aware that he has snuck upstairs while we’ve been watching it and have been slow to pause it. He’s seen the white walkers on Game Of Thrones, he’s watched some Five Nights At Freddy’s game play on youtube (which was quickly stopped.)

I told him he wasn’t in trouble and to keep the whole zombie and scary stuff at home and that it doesn’t need to be at school because some children are sensitive which he nodded and agreed. Whether or not he cans it I guess we’ll see when I get another inbox from his teacher.

In all horrible honesty I’m glad my kid isn’t on the receiving end of things with this one, that he isn’t the kid who hears this kind of thing and goes home and has nightmares and wakes up in the middle of the night screaming because of what another 6 year old said. I was a kid who thought the boogie man lived in my closet and had to leap out of bed in fear of being dragged under the bed by some demon who would take me to the depths of god knows where.

I’ve come to find that there’s two types of children out there these days… ones that are totally desensitized to fear and others who are afraid of their own shadow. Unfortunately for me with school related reports it’s going to be my kid jumping out of the shadows and scaring the shit out of the other kids.

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The Batman Lego Movie

legobatmanonesheetSo today we figured in lieu of family day (here in BC) being tomorrow we did something today… we don’t follow the crowds 😉 we’ll do something tomorrow too but literally we were trying to avoid the crowds on this one.

Have you heard of the Batman Lego Movie? It was pretty awesome, pretty sure that my husband and I laughed at the oldies Batman jokes throughout more than my child laughed at the kids jokes.

Here’s the rundown… Batman likes having a life of solitude and not having to have feelings for others. On the same night that the commissioner retires and a new “top cop” comes in with the idea of working as a city and no longer needing the vigilante Mr. Bruce Wayne also unknowingly adopts an orphan (aka Robin.) Well suddenly Batman has nothing to do but goad in his mansion and is reminded by Alfred about his adopted son whom has simply been running amok without a thought about where the millionaire who adopted him has truly been. I won’t go into further details but the message of the movie is all about teamwork and the importance of family.

Everyone enjoyed and my 6 year old son was actually able to sit through the movie (it seemed fairly long but was action packed with great graphics.) Plus all three of us went to the movies (non 3D version) for $35 which included a snack pack for the kiddo of popcorn, a drink, and a chocolate bar. Not too bad for a family excursion to the theater, so if you get a chance to get out there and are a Batman fan yourself you won’t want to miss this one with your kiddos.

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Family Nights

fmi-family-nightIt was around the end of November when I decided that we should start doing a weekly family night. I had the vision of us all gathered around watching Christmas shows from our childhood as my child gazed upon the screen in wonder as we all drank hot chocolate, ate popcorn and snuggled in during a cold evening.

I’m pretty sure that’s the fantasy that we all have when our children are young.

The reality: nobody wants the same snack, mom and dad opt for alcohol because by the time we’ve set up the couches with blankets and pillows because we’ve already had hot chocolate spilled everywhere. By the time the movie is 5 minutes in Jr. still hasn’t found a comfy spot and has had to go pee twice. Part way it’s announced “I dumped my popcorn.” Upon trying to snuggle with said child I’ve gotten the back of his head cracking into my forehead, I’ve been elbowed and kneed so much that I no longer want him in close proximity anymore and send him back to his couch.

I start to wonder why I bother and if my son is even enjoying this, that’s when the laughter comes. When we’re watching Home Alone and he shouts that this  is the best movie ever, that watching Finding Dory at home was better than going to the theater, and that the next night he’s asking to do it all over again.

Maybe in time we’ll have that picturesque family night that I so dream of but who am I kidding thinking having a kid was going to mean that anything we were going to do was going to be peaceful?

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